facts of life, Rants

The Chronicles of Mr. Snarkface

It’s very irritating when that person who thinks they know it all makes him/herself heard. It’s even worse when they try to be sneaky about it and ask questions that they know the answer to but just want to rub how “smart” they are in everyone’s faces. Most of the time, it turned out that they were wrong. I call them Snarkfaces.

There’s one who I sit in front of in a large lecture class. At first, it was an accident. But now, I sit near him on purpose to hear his ‘smart’ remarks which he mutters under his breath unlike others who publically make their statements. Sometimes other people raise their hands, and try to upstage the professor who always royally roasts him, generating roars of laughter from the rest of us.

These are their stories.

Prof: …de Broglie (pronounces: bro-glee) wavelength…
Mr. Snarkface: no…it’s de broccoli
Me in my head: 😐

professor draws dotted line and says that the energies
approach infinity.
Mr. Snarkface: no, infinity goes forever. You can’t draw a line there. The prof. is so stupid.
Me in my head: oh, so now we’re not allowed to represent infinity anymore? Is that it? Or are you nitpicking and making yourself irrelevant.

Prof: the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which is also called the Heisenberg Indeterminacy Principle
Mr. Snarkface: same thing
aside from this, Snarkface makes good, productive comnents, and even helps his friend out when she gets stuck. Good job.

Prof: we can call n=1 the 1st harmonic
Mr. Snarkface: no, n=2 is the first harmonic
Me in my head: really?! Oh, ok so what would we call n=1, the zeroth harmonic? No? I didn’t think so. So can you get over yourself? Please? Btw, in chemistry, it IS a harmonic so get over it.

Prof: …de Broglie (pronounces: bro-glee) wavelength…
Mr. Snarkface: no…it’s de broccoli
Me in my head: Damn! Still harping on de Broglie

Mr. Snarkface: son of a bitch
yeeahh, this was in my notes recording what he said. I don’t remember to what he was responding to, so…

Prof: we’re not gonna do it now, but if you calculate the zero-point energy, you will see that there’s too much energy to be contained here so this model is incorrect.
5 minutes later another snark raises his hand, lets call him Snarky…
Snarky: uh, sir, actually that’s impossible. I calculated the energy and there’s too much energy, sooo..you’re wrong…
Prof: actually, yes, you just proved my point. Yes, it doesn’t work, that’s why I said the model was incorrect. (professor just glides on with lecture while the rest of us laugh at the poor, embarrassed kid)

Prof: Let’s start drawing this structure. First we’ll put single bonds between and around the atoms and complete their actets…
Mr.Snarkface mutters: no, it’s a triple bond.
Prof: ..then guess what? we have actually have triple bond (this is why patience is a virtue)

To be continued…

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